You Smeared Me Like A Whore's Mascara
by Jilliyn
Summary: Frerard. Frank's inner turmoil at Gerard's wedding with Lindsey.


**FrankxGerard. **

**I don't own them...it would be nifty if I did though....*thoughts***

**Frank and Gerard are from My Chemical Romance, only the feelings they have are form my mind.  
**

You Smeared Me Like A Whore's Mascara

_Schoolyard Heroes-"The Last Man on Earth" _(Best read while listening to it)

***

_The world's on fire, so wrap me in your napalm blanket. You and I are the king and queen of nothing, baby._

Heat. That was all I could feel. But my body was so cold, so irreversibly freezing. I shivered in my metal seat with clammy hands and sweat running inside of my expensive suit. I could see him at the end of the room, standing awkwardly, but proud. He seemed so happy to others, but I could see by the way he had his posture. He was hiding. Hiding from me.

_Take my hand, take my hand. It's better now together, though it's only us. Take my hand, take my hand. We'll raise our glass, now there's nothing left._

She stood next to him, hand in hand, smiling. He showed everyone his own beautiful smirk, the one I felt so accustomed to. Now that I saw him, avoiding my eyes, it was painful.

I could see how god damn happy everyone was. How the fuck is this real?

Am I high? I think I'm high.

If so this has been the longest hallucination of all time. When did he tell me? Six? Seven months ago?

Perhaps I thought if I didn't think about it, nothing would happen.

My stomach swirled, making me want to vomit, reminding myself of everything he told me...

"I lover her, Frank. She's amazing."

"I-...I'm so happy for you both..."

So I guess it wasn't a complete lie to tell everyone that I was sick, which wasn't hard to make them believe either. I'm always ill, always feeling like shit.

So why did I come? I could have stayed home...

But that would have hurt his feelings.

_"Not more then he hurt yours."_

Maybe I hoped that he would stop it, and run into my arms.

_"Don't lie to yourself.."_

_Fall asleep, your burning eyes are incandescent. You and I must make a pledge to end existence. One more time, your eyes will see before they're sewn shut. Suffering my name, boy don't you forget me._

The toasts began;

"Congratulations",

"We're all proud",

"Have a wonderful life"

I need a fucking toast. I need people to tell me to be happy, to tell me I'm going to okay because I'm sure as hell not going to do it for myself.

...because that used to be his job, to make me feel better. What the fuck am I going to do without him there?

"It's going to be okay, man." He placed a hand on my shoulder. "We'll still make music, we'll still be best friends."

I stood silent, nodding.

"I promise," He held his hand out. "I won't forget you, and vise versa." I took his hand in mine, holding it a bit longer then I should have.

I should have said something. I wanted to.

_"What the fuck were you gong to do? Beg? Tell him to drop everything to be with you?"_

_Take my hand, take my hand. It's better now together, though it's only us. Take my hand, take my hand. We'll raise our glass, now there's nothing left. _

I raised my glass, it was my turn, my job as Best Man.

"To Gerard and Lindsey..." He finally looked up to me, letting that mask drop for only a moment, like he too wanted to cry.

"I know you'll both be happy together," I forced a smile and I saw everyone around me do the same.

How could they not tell? How could they not see that I was about to break in two and begin to bawl?

How the fuck could they sit here and let this happen?

Tell them to get the fuck up and tell Gerard to stop everything, that he's an idiot for doing this to me.

Tell them to replace me with the white woman in the dress. I'm the one that belongs there.

_"He's not doing this to hurt you. He loves her. She loves him."_

I love him more.

_Fall asleep, your burning eyes are incandescent. You and I must make a pledge to end existence. One more time, your eyes will see before they're sewn shut. Suffering my name, boy don't you forget me_

"Now, go to your honeymoon and make some god damn babies!" I said it enthusiastically, just as planed. It earned laughs from everyone.

At least it was one thing to look forward to, little mini-Gerards.

_"Maybe that's why he's marrying her. So that his sperm can walk around in human form..."_

No, I'm through with trying to make excuses...

I'm too late.

"And remember, we're all here for you," because I can do nothing else to you, "Never forget us," because it's all I can ask for, "We all love you."

_I love you so fucking much. _


End file.
